It's been close to a decade since the last Harry Potter book was released, and yet there are still somehow people all over the world who continue to discover it anew. (It's magic!) This week, we have for you the tale of one such muggle, who was pretty sure he'd done that only to find that the sext-filled drama he'd been devouring was in fact fan fiction.
On Twitter, user Shelley Zhang shared screenshots of the very confused texts she received from a friend who wanted to be very, very sure that Dudley Dursley did indeed die in the series. "Do you want him to?" Zhang texted back. "No I just got to the part where he was killed but Julia didn't remember that so I just want to make sure I'm not reading some weird fan fiction."
Oh, sweet boy!
After some back and forth and a series of screenshotted texts that we deeply recommend you read in full, Zhang tells her friend that she doesn't know what he's reading, but it ain't The Order of the Phoenix, which is when it all really goes off the rails. In his version of the fifth book, Harry and Hermione "get intimate," the age of consent for wizards is 15, and "[o]kay, so I think I know what the answer is going to be, but did Draco and Ginny fake a rape scene?"
Uh, no.
Mashable followed up with Zhang who said she'd tried not to discuss the books with her friend because he'd "remained unspoiled all the years, so we wouldn't really talk about plot points."
But "[w]hen he started asking me about all of the 'intimate moments' and about Hermione sending Harry a picture of herself in a bikini, I lost it. I was laughing so hard I started shaking."
Same, Shelley. Extremely same.
