While Pippa Middleton's fairytale wedding with James Matthews over the weekend looked entirely perfect, there was one reception tradition even she couldn't avoid: the cheesy speeches. Best man Justin Johannsen reportedly took the mic at 11:30pm after a five-course dinner and delivered a string of very best man jokes before introducing the first dance.
There was The One Where He's Actually Talking About the Dog:
"Now to the love of James' life: beautiful, energetic, loyal, soft-mouthed, comes on command, great behind. But that is enough about James' spaniel, Rafa, I'm here to talk about James' love Pippa," he said, likely referencing how Pippa's backside captured the world's attention after Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding.
Then, there was The One About Getting Some on the Honeymoon:
"With the wedding shadowed in secrecy, I can reveal, and wish the bride and groom a happy honeymoon in Northwales," he started, "At least that's where I presume they are going as I heard Spencer saying that after the wedding, he [James] was going to Bangor for two weeks."
GET IT? hahahahahhah....sigh. He saved himself, however, by also saying some truly sweet words about the bride.
"You look stunning. The image of perfection. I know that James first fell in love with your gutsiness and your spirit then succumbed to your beauty. You make James extremely happy," he said, "You have a voir la joie that warms the hearts of everyone who knows you and you have won the heart of the best man that I know." Awww.
As for other details from the reception, there were reportedly unique passwords for each of their 300 guests. The passwords were picked three months ago, and each guest had to have a photo ID. (One must wonder which of these vetted guests recorded the best man speech and sent it to The Daily Mail...)
